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I am constantly searching for the meaning of those events in my life and also for the various situations all around the globe. Since hazard doesn’t exist, I must be missing something, because I often feel stuck in this human condition, because this planet is in such a crisis. Helplessness made me want to travel this new road so that things can finally move forward and evolve.
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I know we don’t see nor experience this world as it is. I know there are different truths out there. I know that society, my culture, my education and my beliefs have all narrowed my vision, my perception. So I am choosing to learn differently now. Those events, those situations, those people will teach me about me, so they don’t need to resurface in my life in that form any longer.
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People who know me will smile because there will be a lot of questions to answer. The greatest thing about questions is that we can allow ourselves to be on a search and receptive mode. Sometimes we find the answer we're looking for, sometimes we don’t. And when we don’t, we then have to learn to love the question itself. At least for the time being. Life is so wise.
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The truth. I’ll explore a different one here. As a truth seeker, I accept it will be confronting, shocking, amusing and/or revealing. It will definitely be different.
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True? False? Neither. Everyone’s judgment will determine in time the accuracy of the discoveries.
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Because I get tired and overwhelmed when I hear or read the news, I want to explore another way to look at it. Something is definitely missing there. Some missing link here? I let you be the judge of that.
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A f a i r w a r n i n g
Audacity and humbleness are required to go further. If you choose to explore this section, be aware that the subjects approached are very sensitive. I don’t minimise in any way the gravity of those situations themselves nor the consequences of them in people's lives. I just dare to shed a different light on them, on myself, on us all. Maybe then we’ll be able to live in a world free of them all, at last. Isn't it worth exploring? When something exists, so does its meaning. Somewhere. Somehow.
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Eighth Other truth
What is my hijab made of?
The hijab is not neutral. Just like me about it. And it raises passions, pro or against. Rarely indifference. Many woven threads. Threads and strings.
Do I make it the witness of a lost identity? Theirs or mine? Do I make of it the witness of a profound search for meaning? Does it confront my incapacity to undertake my own quest? Does it face my own desire to honour my own difference? Do I dare to be different? Am I comfortable enough in my own difference to uncover it? How is my difference received? With pride? As obsolete? Forgotten? Denied? How do I assume the image I project out there? Do I trigger anger? Do I attract respect? How do I react to the attention or the interest I arouse? Or don’t? Do I choose to include or isolate myself? Why? Is my need for recognition dehydrated by my lack for audacity? Or is it so strong that many refuse to validate it? Also, to which symbol do I cling because I feel it defines who I am? Which symbol do I need to strengthen my identity? To which symbol do I cling to so desperately? Do I need a symbol to affirm my fundamental faith? Or my history? Or my culture? And which are these beliefs I carry out into the world? Are they really mine? How do I choose to translate them? Do I have the courage to do so? So I feel the obligation to stick to them? How come? And are they really beliefs? Or an outdated practice? Do I know the foundations of the rules I subject myself to? Can I affirm the integrity and the unabridged version of these foundations? Am I in a position to use my own judgement? Do I use it? What does this hijab remind me of? A material version of my need to belong? And how do I meet this need? Does hijab point out my submission to a dehumanized dogma (with the election campaign in Quebec, the question is rather interesting!)? Moreover, which instrument of oppression do I use? Is it a testimony of my rebellion in its quest for freedom? And which freedom do I claim? For whom do I do so? Which kind of freedom do I want to reach? Or leach? Can I differentiate submission and assertion? Where am I between the two? At one end? Or the other? In imbalance? In harmony? And finally, do I banish my female polarity? Do I need to protect myself from femininity? To me, is it primarily associated with the power of seduction? With the awakening the sexual desire? And is this sexual desire degrading to me? And what do I consider degrading: dissimulating beauty or exposing it? And which beauty do I choose to dissimulate? Do I do it voluntarily? Consciously? Egoistically? The mystery and the sensitivity that live inside of me, can they be calmly asserted? Do they have to be dissimulated? Is my modesty being liberating or restrictive? Or non-existent? And do I choose to preserve my dignity? How actually?
There are these standards which one wishes for the others, and there are those which one carries with and for oneself. Sometimes the same, sometimes a world of difference. A paradox. Or an afflicting aberration. To everyone his\her own search for identity. And mine doesn’t’ get to be more asserted if I mould other people’s. It invalidates it actually. And what about yours? Asserted or invalidated?
March 8th, 2007
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Seventh Other truth
What's happening in my Isreali?
Can I perceive that my real motivation has a totally different intention than the one I am presenting? Can I admit it? Why do I still refuse to name the real foundations of my actions? Can I define myself by something less destructive than my attacks? Why am I so convinced that the only way for me to exist is by making this use of force? Can I recognise my excessiveness? Will I, ever? Can I see that I am making use of terror to attain my goals? Just like I denounce myself? Are those offensive actions taking me closer to the goals I want to reach? What is threatening me exactly? The violence living inside myself? Is my violence legitimate since I am the one justifying it? Can I ever admit I was wrong? Can I see that the way I chose to solve this conflict isn’t a solution? Can I still pretend to overcome, with my arms, this rage I contributed generating? How come places have such a hold on my choices? Is a specific land more important than life itself? Can I open myself to the possibility that the threat I am identifying on the outside lived inside myself initially? And sill is? When will I accept my own responsibility in this conflict I am involved in? Why am I still cut up in this passive/aggressive cycle? Why do I refuse to hear those parts of me who want and deserve peace? Have I forgotten about the unbearable suffering I have endured myself? Can I begin to see that the violence I am undergoing is also the same that lives in me, one way or the other? When I blame others for the role they play in the situation, can I so easily define my own? Which payoff am I getting out of war? Because of those parts of me being kept hostages, am I justified to destroy everything the other is? What outcome do I need to have occurring before I dare to question my motive? Knowing myself the incredible high price I had to pay? Can I accept that this resistance to my will also has its story and its reasons to exist? And who are my real allies here? Is it because someone is saying the same thing as I am that s-he is necessarily my ally? Is peace what I really want? Do I have the courage to see the pain I am imposing? That this pain is a deal breaker for peace? Can I offer myself the wisdom of a sincere and authentic revision of my intention? Will I open myself to peace or will I stay put in my agonizing conflicts? Ultimately, what will I choose: being right of being happy? Can I create this space where arms are resting and hearts are openning? And I scared to honestly have to dare peace? Definitely?
And for those who believe that peace can always be easily chosen, there is a part of you lying in a muddy trench, nearby a land mine or a tank convoy. Or you deliberately have chosen in some point in time to look at war straight in the eyes, and you have accepted it, as it has been, a part of you.
August 27th, 2006
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Sixth Other truth
Is my Abou Moussab Al-Zarqaoui really dead?
Which wounds are still fuelling this violence I got to worship and finally justify? Do I acknowledge that my actions are tragically giving a voice to my violence? Which purpose does my violence really have? How much rage have I kept alive in order to justify my drastic actions? Which part of me do I hate so bad that I take upon myself to decapitate it alive? Am I so afraid of light and freedom that I keep on making terror my only hiding place? Which threat am I using to justify my violence? Which part of me is actually threatened? Why people thinking and living differently are enemies to me? Are they really? What do I deny so profoundly to decide, over and over again, to eliminate it when it crosses my path? What does the idea of innovation provoke in me? Am I that much afraid that I feel in title to take a power that simply does not belong to me? Which part of me is demanding a voice so desperately? How much/many lives am I willing to squeeze out of others in order to keep my ideology alive? Why do I let a dogma take control of who I am? Is there any part of me left without this dogma? Without this violence I am carrying? Which ones? Do I have a real ideal or a driven need to control? Which are the consequences of refusing to question my foundations? How come I get to judge and execute, without any possible appeal? How and why have I decided that MY way is THE way? Which weapon will I use to prove that I am right? Is my leadership based on a real strength or an unbearable fear? Do I acknowledge that my strength is relying on my hold on others? What could I build if I would convert my destruction strategies in constructive ones? What is my resistance set up against? Which belief has caused my own loss?
And if, by any given hazard, none of those questions applies, then Abou Moussab Al-Zarqaoui won’t have been the only one lying to himself and ultimately facing death. From one world to another, no matter how.
July 3rd, 2006
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Fifth Other truth
How is my Chernobyl doing?
20 years, a long time already, yet not enough. Now there’s the Iran nuclear threat. And let’s not forget about all the others, even if they are less submitted to the media focus and/or manipulation. And even if it’s all taking place half way around the world, we are all exposed to possible consequences. All of us. Nobody spared.
What is this powerful energy that radiates my life?
Which part of me has became unstable and is eagerly seeking balance? Am I aware of the fact that this quest for balance generates an extraordinary amount of energy? Am I aware of the unbelievable power of the energy I have access to? Do I channel the energy I generate constructively? Did I loose control somewhere along the way over this powerful energy? Why did I agree to use this energy even if it was potentially dangerous? Was I wrong to think I would master it? Do I make the best use of the energy at my disposal? What is the focus of my intention? Will I wait for an emergency situation or catastrophe before I develop and gain power over this huge power? How many lives will need to be devastated for me to recognise my negligence? My incompetence? Will I continue to submit others to the consequences of my poor choices and misguided decisions? Will I continue to deny the evidence of the destruction caused? What if my ego was wrong about being able to contain that kind of energy? What if my heart is the only one able to handle it? Do I remember that a part of this incredible energy is still buried in my lands? Will I succeed in getting this energy channelled or will I have built higher and stonger walls to protect myself from it?
And, Humankind-unkind, when will we get that our restless quest for power and prestige is killing the land we walk on, the same that supports our own lives?
April 29th, 2006
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Forth Other truth
I saw Human trafficking a few days ago. If you didn't know about it, didn't dare to see it, or couldn't, or didn't want to, some flashes are available there: http://www.lifetimetv.com/movies/originals/humantrafficking.html Again, still this raging quest for meaning. Mixed feelings provoked, different angles of exploration possible. Here is the substance of some of them.
Which extreme am I willing to attain to extend the power of my dominance -as a person and/or as humankind/unkind? How many basic human rules am I willing to ignore to maintain my image of success? Of superiority? Of control? How many tears will I choose to see falling in order to feed my coldness? What gets to be served when I choose to shut down any sensitiveness? What am I so afraid of when I do so? How long am I going to worship the power of money for itself? How long will I ignore anything that contradicts my idea of comfort? How long am I going to use others to make -or save- money? How did I forget that passion and intention could create, and also destroy? How come my standards of living get to be more important than the quality of life -or life itself- of some other people? When and how did I turn the corner and decide to trade the well being of people for some more possessions -material or not? How long am I going to shelter and feed fear in my life? How long am I willing to be a silent accomplice of such horrors -here, there, anywhere- because I don’t feel involved? When will I choose to experience the power of passion and intention based on the highest good of everyone involved? When will I accept to acknowledge the reality of people going through hell and do something about it? When will I accept that I can make a difference, and have the responsibility to do so?
When you decide to do something, visit those links. It can definitely be a start:
And by the way, next to this hell of human trafficking, what am I grateful for today?
…because maybe I have forgotten I am richer than I truly acknowledged lately.
April 6th, 2006
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Third Other truth
On Radio-Canada, I watched Voleur d’enfance, a Paul Arcand documentary about the failures of the DYP (director of youth protection). Shocking mix of horrors, desolations and aberrations. And also a huge silence broken, and a brave voice rising. Many voices rising. Exceptional courageous people.
How is my DYP doing lately? How is this part of me doing, the one which has a huge responsibility and lousily failed at it? Why am I choosing to ignore and/or minimise the situation? Even after too many bad decisions with such heavy consequences, why do I still keep on controlling and manipulating in order to preserve my image? What is left actually behind this image? Do I even remember my real purpose? Did I simply claim a status without acknowledging my primer role, and without acting accordingly? Did I want so badly to build a strong structure around me in order to exist, that I completely neglected the ground I wanted to grow from? Can I promote and invest in my own integrity, or am I stuck in a sordid and harmful auto-protection? Am I offering myself the resources I need to welcome my solitudes, my emptiness, my sorrows, or am I cramming myself with those comfortable intellectual speeches, coldly insensitive? Do I remember the sound of this little me crying? Screaming? And the sound of silence when she/he finally holds her/his rage inside? If so, do I take it into consideration? If not, what did it cost me already? How much more am I willing to pay still? Have I slipped away from my purpose, compromising my profound integrity for some prestige, to abuse by ignorance? Mislead by indifference? How many times did I think I understood when I was so wrong? Why? How many times have I deliberately lied to mask my insignificance? And why again? Have I isolated my angers, my distresses, my revolts, without any consideration for the consequences? And finally, which place have I made to tenderness, love, caring and to the power of presence? What have I protected in fact? My own structure profoundly failing or my sane and powerful innocence?
Have I given myself the right to brake who I am, even unconsciously?
March 2006
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Second, little different, Other truth
Here comes the new federal government in Canada. Some questions can be spontaneously asked here, in the spirit of the "other truth".
How is this freshly elected part of me doing today? How is my government leader doing so far? Did I even get a vote? I claimed a huge power and somehow gave it enough intention and attention to get it. So how is this newly powerful part of me doing? Will I know what to bring out of it? Will I dare to keep my promises this time or will I simply make excuses or pretend to have forgotten, like I did so many times before? Will I honour my word or will I ignore the consequences of the broken ones? Will this part of me be deserving of the trust I dared to place in it? Will my whole country, my body and soul and spirit, be considered important enough to do what needs to be done? For the highest good of them all? Will I trust myself enough to use this new and powerful position I have to generate something to be profoundly proud of? Will I trust myself enough to handle this new position? Will I use it to align myself to my soul’s purpose or will I use it for my own benefits, forgetting the responsibilities that come with this power? Will this part of me be confident enough to cooperate with the others involved, not pretending to know it all by myself? Having this much influence on each and every parts of this country of mine, will I even recognise this critical role, this golden opportunity? Yes, this powerful part of me is in position now, but can I count only on it to change my life? Will I finally acknowledge that it is my whole country that needs to get involved in order to make a lasting and fulfilling difference?
And finally, on the other hand, will I forever need an outside power to remind me where my life should be heading? Better yet, will I forever think that I need an outside power to lead my life the way I meant to in the first place? Will I ever find it in me to govern my own country and do it in the highest good for us all? Because aren’t we all part of this, like it or not?
January 24th, 2006
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First Other truth
I thought of hurricanes, about Katrina, Wilma... Then, I felt what they did and what they left behind. Then, after reading about them, I forgot about the hurricanes themselves and extended this phenomenon to my own life.
How is this dangerous part of me doing? Am I even conscious of that strength I am carrying around? Am I willing to see that this strength gets built up and gets so strong it takes life on its own? Am I willing to see that this strength can't just go back to what it was before without these over killing motions? Who is this destructive part of me that shreds into pieces everything that ends up being on my way, without any consideration for the damage done? Can I keep on ignoring the consequences of my motives and my motions on other people's lives? Have I misused so badly this strength I have I can't even manage it anymore? Do I need to destroy life around me in order to find my identity, to exist? Have I forgotten completely about this still and quiet centre part of myself? Why do I keep on focussing my will as a potentially damaging energy? Can I learn to focus on creating harmony instead of disasters? Who is this part of me that took away everything I've ever really cared about? Who is this part of me that took away the lives of so many sides of myself in a single destructive breathe? Can I allow myself to keep on doing this? Can I gain power over this destructive part of myself? Am I willing to learn to put it to work constructively? Will I remember to ground my feet on the earth to dissipate this fury? Will my lands ever recover? How can this heal?
Do I still need huge disasters like these to get the sense of how precious and fragile and unique life really is? Am I ready to open my heart and be compassionated about myself and others without having to witness or experience that kind of mess? Will I ever sense the meaning of it all? Will it ever show me what I haven't see yet?
December 1st, 2005
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Someday, we won't need other people's pain to see, understand and feel that we have wounds
to heal and love to free.
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